An Introduction: Victoria

I sit in the car after my first workout of the week. I look down at myself and wonder how the hell I have let it get this far. I have a long journey ahead. I start to panic and think there's no way  I can do this. I've started this journey so many times, like most of us have. What makes this time different?

It feels silly to introduce myself to a blog that will likely be read by my mother and sister but to start, you should know I have never thought myself skinny. I've ALWAYS been insecure about my health and weight. I was an early bloomer. I hit puberty before all my friends and even some girls that were older than me. What a proud day to say I had finally started my period! I didn't realize that this early maturing would cause me to see my body in a warped way. Girls who hit puberty earlier than their peers often have body image issues. I got hips, I got a butt, I started getting the curvy body that Beyonce tells me to be proud of. But my friends still looked like children. Of course, looking back, it all makes perfect sense but in the mind of a 12 year old, "oh my gosh. I have more fat on my body than my friends, so of course, I'm FAT!"

And the battle went on. I've had times in my life where I was very fit and was a size 4 or 6. That is great for someone with my wonderful birthing hips. But I never saw that. I always wanted to be skinnier. Not fitter. I couldn't care less about how fit I was. I wanted to be proud of my flat stomach and no-saggy arms! I mean, who doesn't. But I never got there. Sure, I probably had a flat stomach, but I never got to a place where I was proud. Proud of my body, proud of my fitness level, proud of my abilities or my effort, or my fight.

So here I am, totally worn out from a 45 minute work out but ready to take on this new fight. I'm ready to be proud!

Here is a fairly recent picture of me. I cringe at this picture. I wanted to choose one that was more flattering, that made me look skinnier, but in interest of full honesty, I need to post the real me. I'm ready for this and I know my favorite girls are too. I don't promise this will always be upbeat and "yay we can do this" but I promise to be honest and clear because this will be hard, but I'm ready!